Hello everyone,
Some of you probably knew what I am about to say already, but there has been some massive dramas and the conspiracy happened recently, regarding me and another beloved person in the community. In which, has caused me to lose channel moderator status in quite a lot of channels and has gained a lot of hate for me. I would like to make a public apology statement in this blog post, along with explaining the whole situation to reduce confusion.
2019 hasn't been a good year for me at all, especially because of the fact that I nearly lost my real life job multiple times, and now I've completely lost my online job on Twitch as well.
I treat modding on Twitch as a real job, I really do. It’s not just about banning trolls in chat every day, there’s also a lot behind the scenes stuff that I do and not many people know about, like updating chat commands on demands, maintaining my own chat bot, highlighting / clipping VODs for the streamers as necessary, and even to maintain a few subscribers-only game servers, etc. While I do love and enjoy what I do on Twitch, there’s one thing I am really lack of… and that is teamworking.
I am really terrible when it comes to teamworking, not just because of the fact that I don’t like to cooperate with other people as a team, but it’s more of because everyone has their own way of doing things and it’s really difficult to find a balancing point for everyone to follow suit and to make things perfect. I must admit that I have been working by myself all along when it comes to modding on Twitch, and I’ve realised that it’s not gonna work.
To all the channel moderators I’ve worked with in the past, I am very sorry.
As for that beloved person in the community, I would like to say that I am sincerely sorry for purposely antagonizing them. The hate really started when I was feeling deeply threated about having to work with new channel moderators. And I’ve even spreaded rumors about me quitting Twitch if they gets modded in certain channels… It was when my mental problems started getting worse and I couldn’t control myself. Looking back to the things I’ve done, I really do regret everything.
I’ve been trying my best to tackle with my mental problems for quite a while now, and it all started ever since my mother passed away due to cancer about 4 years ago. Twitch was the only place I felt a little happier and welcomed by everyone, those were the times I could actually have fun. I found a lot of new friends, discovered a lot of new stuff and learnt a lot of new knowledge.
But recently, my mental problems started getting worse and worse for some reasons, and the mental pressure that I’ve been getting from my real life job aren’t helping either. I thought I could battle with the mental problems myself, but I was wrong. The mental problems have formed the evil side of me and started controlling my thoughts, which has caused the conspiracy to happen.
I’ve started seeking help from doctors and social workers recently, and I am currently on recovery. The medicines are working as intended, and the advices from said people are helping me along.
I know what happened was a massive incident and a lot of people were involved, including the channels that I used to mod for and some of my friends that have turned against me.
So, I would like to apologize deeply to everyone for the bad things that I’ve said and done. Please give me a chance considering I’ve been in the community for over 4 years now. Twitch has been an important part of my life, without it, I would be so lost. The incident has left a massive wound in my heart. Plus, I really, really enjoy contributing my best abilities to the community, like: creating “The Twitch Compilation” highlight reel series, maintaining servers, etc.
Apart from that, I will also take note that teamworking is important on Twitch, especially among a group of channel moderators. I will try my best to get invloved in teamworking from now on.
I know I can’t please everyone, but this is the very least I can do to redeem myself. I promise incidents like what happened this time around won’t happen again.
That’s it for this blog post, thank you for taking your time reading through all these, despite the fact that English isn’t my first language.
And again, I am sincerely sorry for what I’ve done.
-Jacky
